Letting Go of Perfect

It's 5pm and I am packing Jack and his overnight bag into my little Honda Civic.  "Can I bring my snow shovel?", he asks.  "Sure bud", I say, "but you'll have to leave it in the car once we get to Daddy's, you can't bring the shovel on the train ride home Sunday".  Easy enough, he seems to understand.  And as we pull out of the parking lot of our new condo complex, a place I am happy to call home, I get lost in my thoughts.  Who would have thought that I would ever be driving my son to his Dad's new apartment with his new girlfriend?  Who would have thought that I would be feeling "okay" about meeting this new woman? Certainly not me.  I float in my thoughts waiting for feelings of jealousy, anger, irritation, sadness to rise, but they don't, they really don't.  I feel okay and okay in a good, steady, contented way.  It's not a "fine", it's simply an "okay".  I sit there in my driver's s...

I am so lucky to work with an amazing group of middle school students.  I learn something new everyday.  Yesterday, a student came to me and wanted to show me this youtube video, To This Day, based on the poem by Shane Koyczan.  She explained to me that this was a video that she believed every student in our school could relate to, whether they've bullied, been bullied, struggle with mental illness, or are victims of abuse.  She's right.  This video captures it all.  Not only does this artfully crafted video of the poem "To This Day" capture the feelings of those who have felt the "underdog", it also invoked in me feelings of empathy, gratitude, sadness, and left me feeling empowered to continue finding one thing I can do each day to make our world a little bit kinder for everyone in it.  This video reminds us that everyone has inner beauty and they need to keep finding the "mirror" that works to show them that beauty.  It reminded me that I have ...

#$@&% *! This is the phrase in actual words that may have come out of my mouth 10 times in a row tonight.  The order of events went something like this.  Jack took his bath.  Jack got into Pajamas.  Jack picked out the book he wanted to read before bed.  And then Jack reminded me, his dear mother, that he was hungry.  Is he really hungry?  Not so sure, but a small before bedtime snack is a routine that was established months ago and tonight I found no good reason to argue against it.  So downstairs I went to grab a small snack for my boy without even an inkling of what was to come.  What may be the most pain I have felt since childbirth.  Maybe an exaggeration, but maybe not. I grab the bag of goldfish and a small bowl.  I pour a few goldfish in, check the clock. 7:09pm. This is good.  Jack will be in bed by 7:29pm, leaving me enough nighttime hours to get a few things done.  As I am going over my to do list in ...

As I pull myself out of bed this morning, I take my time.  I  move my legs slowly off the bed and hold onto the bedpost as I stand up, ready to wince as my feet hit the floor and I go to take my first step.  But, there is no pain.  Today I wake up feeling only wonder at what our minds and bodies are capable of.  The limits they can be pushed.  And when you do push your mind and body, the accomplishments you achieve are endless. In three weeks, I will run my 3rd marathon.  Yesterday, I ran my 20 miles and I kid you not that I thought I might die a few times along the way.  In fact about 2 miles until the end, 18 miles into it I thought for sure I'd have to sign up for the half marathon instead of the full.  I was dehydrated, out of water, and sore from my neck down to my second toe that kept jamming against the front of my sneaker.  Sneakers I purposely buy a size and a half larger my normal size. As my friend and I began the las...

Sitting down to dinner with my favorite little man.  He's calm.  He's engaging in conversation.  Most importantly, he's eating his vegetables.  I notice however that he seems kind of far from the table.  As I go to push him in, I recognize that he has something in his pocket.  That something looking like the outline of my chap stick.  Little stinker!  He must have taken it out of my purse when I was getting my haircut this afternoon.  So, I give Jack the "mommy knows" look and I asked what's in his pocket.  Suddenly, his face turns serious.  "No mommy" he says.  I think to myself, what is going on?  I say to him, "bud take it out, what is it?".  Out comes what I was sure was going to be my chap stick, but chap stick it was not.  Jack had a toy with him.  So I just asked, "where did you get that?" "Who gave it to you?"  With that, he bursts into inconsolable tears.  What is going on? I take J...

Cruising down the highway. Windows down.  Radio blasting.  Sun shining.  Feelings of freedom.  This is it.  This is the place I've been waiting to be, right on the edge of glory.  That feeling when everything seems to be falling into place.  With moving, a sense of hope for a good life has transformed into action, life IS good.  I've moved into a new home, my home.  A home I've made for Jack and I.  A place that is ours, all ours. When you move and pack up an old house, you rid yourself of so much more than duplicate toys, clothes that haven't been worn for over a year, kitchen gadgets never used, and hallmark cards that have lost their sentiment.  It's a bit like "detoxing" your life.  You rid yourself of things unused, unnecessary, and without meaning or meaning lost.  It could be compared with losing those extra pounds you've been carrying but know you don't need.  Moving takes pounds off your life.  It's ...

Everyone said, "It's new construction, you never know what will come up.  You might not be able to move in by August 15th".  Well, in July, that didn't seem so bad. I got an awesome place!  I could wait if I had to, but I wouldn't have to...would I?  Well, it is now August 25th.  Ten days have passed since August 15th, MOVE IN day and I am not moved in. Okay, it's an imperfect move.  No big deal though, right?  I am only starting back to work TOMORROW and Jack is only transitioning to a NEW Daycare and Preschool also TOMORROW, but no big deal.  Well, of course it is a big deal.  I hadn't planned on being a vagabond living out of my car for a week all the while trying to keep things "normal" for my 4 year old who doesn't always deal well with change (he gets this from me). So here we are on the eve of "Back to School" living out of suitcases at an Inn, a nice Inn, but an Inn.  We arrived today at the Inn around 1pm.  We chec...