Letting Go of Perfect... a difficult feat
This blog is titled "Letting Go of Perfect" because that is what I aim to do. Just that. Let go of perfect. Extensive therapy and self-help books have gotten me to an improved version of imperfection, but how difficult is it to let go of the ideal or at least the ideal in one's head? Very difficult I am finding.
When I set out to create this blog, I had a vision. A big vision. A vision in which I had hundreds of followers. A vision in which ideas and opinions were shared publically and safely. A vision in which people felt a sense of comfort in reading the joys and challenges of others' lives recognizing that they were not alone with their feelings. A vision that even included an appearance on the Today Show. If you know me well, you know this is a life goal of mine, a top activity on my bucket list. This vision. This big vision has taken a comfortable seat in the back of my mind for over a year now. Ever since I learned to laugh at the trials I came across as newly single, divorced mom, I wanted to share parts of my story in efforts to help others out there who may be struggling with the surprises life throws at you sometimes. However, I found perfection preventing me from doing this.
This vision. This rather large vision completely blocked me from starting this blog a year ago. This vision. This big vision stopped me in my tracks like a deer in headlights. This vision of my "ideal blog" got in my way. It got in my way because it was going to have to be perfect. And how would I ever keep up with perfect? Why start if it's not going to be perfect? Not only would it have to be perfect for me, but perfect for others.
This week, I face the wrath of my perfection dead in the face. I didn't write a post on Sunday. Monday came and went and there was not post. Because I was tired. Because I just wanted to go to bed. Because I was exhausted by the endless trips my son made out of his bed into my room which went on way past his bedtime. Seems reasonable that I would want to get some sleep, right? But no, each night, Sunday and Monday, I still sat down in front of my computer to write my "perfect post" for the "perfect blog". And nothing came. My fingers didn't move. There was no story. There was no blog. I panicked. My perfect blog is no longer! I've lost my following. I won't be able to keep up with my writing. I will be a huge disappointment to those who have kindly visited my blog.
This is when perfectionism can be inhibiting. Why the struggle? Well I suppose it's different for every person. But, for me at one time, to show imperfection was a sign of weakness. I had to really hold on to and remember that one reason I started the blog when I did, when I wasn't even sure how to create one, was to put my imperfections out for the world to see. Because we all have them, these imperfections. They can be cute, quirky, or just plain annoying. But they are ours. The imperfections make us an individual and should be embraced. Maybe my imperfection is always trying to reach perfection.
So...there was no post Sunday. Monday came and went and there was no post. And today, I decide that is okay. It is okay because 'imperfect' me cannot meet the demands of her workload right now during work hours and by the time work is done, her eyes are halfway closed and sleep is a necessity. Today, Tuesday, there is a post. There might not be one tomorrow or the day after or the day after that and that is going to be okay. It's going to be imperfect. It's going to be okay.
I am sure some of you who are reading this can relate to this in your own lives when you didn't start a project because you weren't perfectly ready for it. Or you didn't take that risk because someone else might notice your imperfections. Or the assignment that never got turned in because it wasn't "perfect" enough. So where does this come from? Why the pull for perfection? Maybe it's a good thing as it pushes us to achieve something big. Maybe it's a negative thing because it causes too much stress and becomes a compulsive habit. But where does this come from, this drive to be perfect? Perhaps from a need for control? Hello out there...what are your thoughts on this?
When I set out to create this blog, I had a vision. A big vision. A vision in which I had hundreds of followers. A vision in which ideas and opinions were shared publically and safely. A vision in which people felt a sense of comfort in reading the joys and challenges of others' lives recognizing that they were not alone with their feelings. A vision that even included an appearance on the Today Show. If you know me well, you know this is a life goal of mine, a top activity on my bucket list. This vision. This big vision has taken a comfortable seat in the back of my mind for over a year now. Ever since I learned to laugh at the trials I came across as newly single, divorced mom, I wanted to share parts of my story in efforts to help others out there who may be struggling with the surprises life throws at you sometimes. However, I found perfection preventing me from doing this.
This vision. This rather large vision completely blocked me from starting this blog a year ago. This vision. This big vision stopped me in my tracks like a deer in headlights. This vision of my "ideal blog" got in my way. It got in my way because it was going to have to be perfect. And how would I ever keep up with perfect? Why start if it's not going to be perfect? Not only would it have to be perfect for me, but perfect for others.
This week, I face the wrath of my perfection dead in the face. I didn't write a post on Sunday. Monday came and went and there was not post. Because I was tired. Because I just wanted to go to bed. Because I was exhausted by the endless trips my son made out of his bed into my room which went on way past his bedtime. Seems reasonable that I would want to get some sleep, right? But no, each night, Sunday and Monday, I still sat down in front of my computer to write my "perfect post" for the "perfect blog". And nothing came. My fingers didn't move. There was no story. There was no blog. I panicked. My perfect blog is no longer! I've lost my following. I won't be able to keep up with my writing. I will be a huge disappointment to those who have kindly visited my blog.
This is when perfectionism can be inhibiting. Why the struggle? Well I suppose it's different for every person. But, for me at one time, to show imperfection was a sign of weakness. I had to really hold on to and remember that one reason I started the blog when I did, when I wasn't even sure how to create one, was to put my imperfections out for the world to see. Because we all have them, these imperfections. They can be cute, quirky, or just plain annoying. But they are ours. The imperfections make us an individual and should be embraced. Maybe my imperfection is always trying to reach perfection.
So...there was no post Sunday. Monday came and went and there was no post. And today, I decide that is okay. It is okay because 'imperfect' me cannot meet the demands of her workload right now during work hours and by the time work is done, her eyes are halfway closed and sleep is a necessity. Today, Tuesday, there is a post. There might not be one tomorrow or the day after or the day after that and that is going to be okay. It's going to be imperfect. It's going to be okay.
I am sure some of you who are reading this can relate to this in your own lives when you didn't start a project because you weren't perfectly ready for it. Or you didn't take that risk because someone else might notice your imperfections. Or the assignment that never got turned in because it wasn't "perfect" enough. So where does this come from? Why the pull for perfection? Maybe it's a good thing as it pushes us to achieve something big. Maybe it's a negative thing because it causes too much stress and becomes a compulsive habit. But where does this come from, this drive to be perfect? Perhaps from a need for control? Hello out there...what are your thoughts on this?
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